How the Grover stole Christmas
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December 1, 2012
By Adam Weatherall
Down in America-ville
Liked Christmas a lot…
But Grover Norquist,
Who lived just North of America-ville,
Most certainly did not!
The Grover hated Christmas! The whole Holiday season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head was screwed to far to right.
Americans for Tax Reform directing us toward a fiscal cliff quickly coming into sight.
What could make the Norquist want our nation’s credit rating to fall?
I think the most likely reason of all,
For the Grover and how he hates us all.
Is that his heart is two sizes too small…
This holiday season as we speed toward a fiscal cliff, our countries own little impending economic Armageddon , we must remember what we’re thankful for. American’s from sea to shining sea last week sat down with friends and family to break bread and share in one of our nation’s most cherished traditions. Undoubtedly in the spirit of this tradition most groups took
a moment to say what they were thankful for, It is my wish to now share with you some excerpts from my list of what I am thankful for. I do this because I can with absolute certainty proclaim that I am the only known living democrat who is thankful for Grover Norquist…
But first some facts about the Grover and his pledge that would steal our Christmas. After leaving fair old Harvard, Norquest teamed up Peter North and tried his hand at arming rebel groups, when that went south quite literally in Nicaragua. He then tried his hand at speech writing finally cutting out his niche with A.T.R. The group Americans for tax reform or A.T.R was founded in 1986 with a single minded pledge at the forefront of their idealism. That pledge which was created by a young Grover at just 12 years of age basically states that under no circumstances will the signers of said pledge agree or take part in any action that would raise taxes. In the 112th Congress serving in years 2011 and 2012, all but six of the 242 Republican members plus two Democratic members of the U.S. House of Representatives, for a total of 238 – a majority of that body – as well as all but seven of the 47 Republican members plus one Democratic member of the senate, for a total of 41, have signed the Taxpayer Protection Pledge. All except 13 sitting Republicans have signed the pledge. While there are signs that our Xmas still might be saved by democrats and thoughtful republicans alike, 7 R.senators John Mccain among them have renounced this pledge in the hopes of reaching some last minute agreement and avoid financial reckoning.
Not all signs point toward a Merry December 31st or the last day before we must reach an agreement before being downgraded once again from an A- rating to a B+ or even a disrespectful Grecian C. House Speaker John Boehner immediately rebuked the call for the chamber to approve the Senate measure, saying he disagreed with his colleague. House GOP aides insisted there was no plan to bring the proposal up for a vote. Republicans in the house of Rep. reportedly laughing as Timothy Geithner introduced the white house advanced tax proposal for 2012 which doesn’t completely resend the Bush tax cuts but does increase revenue based taxes near 2% on the wealthiest of Americans. All of this said it seemingly leaves this lone liberal little reason for being thankful for the Norquist, until that is you put things in perspective.
I believe that Grover Norquist might be the best friend the democrats never knew they had. After all how many democrats can you name that have taken out more than 12 sitting staunch republicans, a sitting popular president among them? That’s right none to my count. Also since democrats seldom signed his pledge he has largely left them alone, because of this until recently he has been a largely republican problem not an American one. But with last year’s debt ceiling crisis ending in a debacle which for the first time in our history witnessed our nation’s credit rating lowered the fault of squabbling republicans. Norquist’s pledge seems to be designed to not be followed as every major economist agrees that it would be lunacy to never raise taxes in a constantly evolving and ever inflating economic national structure. It more or less in my opinion points out the dim an un-voteable within our government. For it is these names who have applied themselves to the list that would rather be popular than correct and showed themselves at the onset of their careers to be susceptible to bullying. Norquist after all has no gun pointed at these men’s heads and never is actually forcing any vote, he’s merely there in the background threatening looming like a dark angry menace. With citizens united and a super pac by his side though perhaps to a politician he is just as threatening.
But I believe “the Grover” is still misunderstood. He’s not your average white male Methodist republican he is married to a devote Palestinian born Muslim and heads the council called Goproud, a political organization representing conservative gays, lesbians, transgender people, and their allies, for which he was criticized by the Family Research Council. Also last year Mr.Norquist received top billings for his stand up comedy and was named Washington D.C’s second funniest man by a noted magazine. So is there hope for this Grover and his heart that is two sizes too small? My hopes and prayers are that the Norquist quiets his super-pac and repeals his pledge. And on that most glorious of days…what will happen then…?
Well…in America-vile they say,
That the Grover’s small heart, Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the credit rating and we all breathed release!
And he……HE HIMSELF…Would then be invited to my Christmas feast.